The mother that left
Agony Aunt

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I am 29 years old and about to get married. My parents have been separated for several years and I was raised by my father. My mother cut all ties with us when she left 20 years ago. Still, I wanted her to be a part of my wedding and sent her an invitation card, though I doubt she will turn up. Despite this, she's all I can think about these days. I know that I should concentrate on my wedding and try to be happy but I can't help but wonder if it was something I did that drove her away and is keeping her away. What should I do?

Every child of a divorced family believes that they are the cause of their parents’ separation. Something that was lacking in them, if only they were nicer or more intelligent and obedient. There is nothing you did that made your parents separate. I am sorry your mother did not have much to do with you during your growing years. It is not too late. A card as an invitation is for a friend or an acquaintance; you need to phone her and ask to go and see her. If she is in another town speak to her and tell her how much it would mean to you and what a difference it would make if she were there. Invite her partner and children if she has created another family. We must not forget that in our society, the wife is often accused for the demise of a marriage and society criticises the wife more than the husband (she may be reluctant to see her ex in-laws). You did not give me enough information about the situation, you could also ask your father to intercede on your behalf. I hope you succeed. Do not give up and make sure you enjoy your celebrations.

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