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Bibaho'r chinta

  • Published at 10:56 am December 24th, 2019
Illustration : Sabrina Fatma Ahmad

The A to Z of marriage (and eight years of living apart)

After 23 plus years of marriage, I am 

Amused, that some women still attempt to make me feel as though I am not good enough wife material.

Bored with dressing up and dawats; would rather remain home with my better half and my crazy cats.

Confused still, as to how I rank on the daughter-in-law scale, or whether I rank at all. 

Delighted with my two daughters. I could not have raised boys. 

Equal, in that I do not have to dhonno dhonno that he married me. We married each other. 

Free to do as I please; and furious that people want to know where and how I spend ‘his’ money. 

Grateful that I found a partner whom I can laugh with. 

Happy that our homes are lived in and messy and pet friendly.

Irritated that he is trying to dictate to me what and what not to write in this article.

Joyful, that we actually made it past 23 years… (yes, there were moments).

Kindlier to him then when we started out, and vice versa.

Least bothered with the social endorsement of “happily married”. 

Mad, when he does not immediately return my calls. 

Not tolerating the “I knew your husband long before you did, and therefore I can ignore your importance in his life or insult you as I wish” attitude from others. 

Owning up to my true (ambivalent) emotions.

Puzzled when people ask me how I met him. Eh? That was over two decades ago. 

Questioning why it took me this long to conquer self-doubt.

Ready to retire from parental responsibility and follow my own pursuits. 

Suspicious when he is too agreeable. 

Too lazy to challenge the “bechara tomar husband” narrative.

Unforgiving of those that try and insert themselves in our relationship. 

Vicious when it comes to protecting my family.

Wondering why we did not have a destination wedding.

Xcited to have him as a travelling companion.

Yet not able to sync stories, actions, and outfits with him to look like the perfect couple.

Zoning out all marriage related "khonchas" that come my way.

Chintamoni grew up in Dhaka, where she will always belong, but never quite fit in. She is an enthusiastic traveller, a compulsive procrastinator, and a contumelious raconteur. 

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